Episode 118 – The Dan and Chris Show Episode 1 (Pilot)

In which both Adam and Graham are away so Daniel is trusted with the buttons, Chris tries yet again to seduce him and they tackle the big issues like how to enjoy chocolate and which limb to amputate.

Play

Episode 116 – Bumifications

In which our heroes contend with yet more IT problems. Graham detects South Africans from afar, Chris tries to get Graham to open up about a [REDACTED] experience with a [REDACTED] and Dan has horrendous actions from his past unearthed.

Play

Episode 115 – Echoes of Christopher

In which our heroes spoil the joke. Dan nerds out about spaceships, Adam rants about Twitter, and the long forgotten remnants of Chris echo throughout the podcast.

Play

Dungeons & Dickheads Part III

In Which Graham and Gemma share a microphone, Gemma has a sex dream, Daniel leaves our heroes to escape from prison and Christopher plays a secret game for the amusement of Christian from Scotland.   Christopher then kills a guard in a very troubling way and then they all go to the pub.

Bard music is by Jack Wright, https://youtu.be/h-RIsgsmN1M

Play

Episode 112 – The Air Is Full Of Spices

In which our heroes once again speak ill of the dead. Graham sabotages Daniel’s next date, Adam plays XCOM, Daniel flings a poo on a roof and Chris is on holiday.

Play

Episode 111 – Dismembering The Dead

In which our heroes plan a funeral. Chris doesn’t pay attention, Adam talks nonsense about elves and Dan demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge about undertakers.

Play

Episode 110 – Why Did Dan Blush? Because the Seaweed (Gin)

In which our heroes do boring admin (on a beautiful spreadsheet), struggle at maths, plan Elton John’s Funeral and Disrespect the Wu Tang Clan (and Bruce Forsyth).

Play

Episode 106 – This Is Dan’s Life

In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.

Play

Episode 108 – Who Doxes The Doxmen?

In which our heroes make amends and learn all about Neil Morrissey. Chris buys some furniture, Dan begins a career in esports and Adam becomes a disciple of Khorne.

Play

Episode 107 – Technical Difficulties

In which Adam abandons his duties as responsible adult and as a result the children suffer severe technical difficulties.  They get their revenge by choosing a title that will annoy him and then stalk their newest superfan (JAMES FROM CRAWLEY) for about an hour.

To be honest, this is probably more of interest to the police as evidence than as an entertainment.

For those of you asking (no-one has asked), Graham’s silly parkour video is here:

Christopher’s (second and far superior) spoof survival video is here:

 

Play

Episode 104 – Dan Who

In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.

Play

Episode 105 – Russia By Gaslight

In which our heroes travel to far-away Nottingham. Adam can’t be bothered to edit out a washing machine, Chris colludes with the Russians and Dan definitely gets put in a bin.

Play

Statement regarding Episode 103

Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.

Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.

We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.

Peace out,
G, A, D & C

Episode 102 – Dirty Daniel and the Shoe Fetishists

In which our heroes plan a bespoke live episode for Dave from Birmingham, Chris seeks poo advice and remembers that he is friends with a pervert (not Graham!), Graham confesses to voyeurism and plagiarism and Daniel is a DIRTY, DIRTY BOY.

Edit – He played Gethin.

Play

Episode 101 – One-way Wasp Valves

In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.

Play

Episode 99 ~ The Mild Exorcism of Christopher’s Lower Abdomen

In which Graham diagnoses what will kill Christopher to death, Adam tries to convince his animated corpse to go to a music festival and yet again they completely fail to record anything even remotely resembling a podcast.  THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO WORMS IN CHRISTOPHER’S POO!

Play

Episode 98 – Moors Murders: Tokyo Drift

In which our heroes sing about Roger Moore. Dan invents some awful sex toys, Graham unveils his new business venture, Adam buys some drugs, and Chris starts self-harming.

Play

Episode 97 – Drugs Earl

In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.

Play

Episode 96 ~ Michael Portillo’s Closeted Cheese Board

In which our heroes gorge themselves on cheese, survive food poisoning and Graham looks forward to his inevitable decline into dementia; all topped off with a return visit to the first dates restaurant!

Play

Episode 94 – The Sound of Trains

In which our heroes go trainspotting. Graham suffers performance issues, Chris starts his own detective agency, Adam handles dead animals and Dan is on a train.

I apologise for the (even by our standards) poor quality audio of this week’s episode but it was stitched together from 18 separate source recordings and Dan lives in a trainyard.

Play

Episode 93 – Lidl Espresso Martini

In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.

Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi

Play

Episode 92 – LADS special

In which our heroes attempt to be TOTAL LADS and MEGA TOP BLOKES for a whole episode by doing BANTZ and thinking about TITS and BEER.  We plan a new career for Ken Livingstone, offer PR advice to Pepsi, Adam does another car crash which is obviously his fault, Daniel reveals how John Major seduced him and Chris plans a brilliant prank on Graham.

 

Play

Episode 88 – Episode 89’s poorly conceived prequel

In which our heroes fantasise about a sweaty Daniel in tiny shorts, stalk a listener, create a classic comic character and enjoy a plethora of listener feedback.

Mostly this: http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/image/157657804219

 

Play

Episode 89 – Rotating Carousel of Prostitutes

In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.

Play

Episode 85 – Roll For Fucking

In which our heroes play Dungeons and Dragons, Chris is replaced by a robot at several points, Graham recovers from his crippling bum disease and Adam starts a petition to ban the podcast.

Play

Episode 84 – Bus Wanker

In which our heroes are down to 2. Chris calls his wife Babes and Graham goes on the bus. Both call out David from Birmingham for being a Bad Friend.

Play

Episode 83 – Daniel’s Creepy D&D Sex Swing (AKA Episode 78 part 3)

In which our heroes solve racism, sign up to enter the crystal maze, do goat yoga and generally reminisce about the 1980s, Daniel constructs a woman trap and Graham goes beyond creepy.

Play

Episode 81 – Pumping Coleslaw Into Memes

In which Adam tries really fucking hard to edit out all the background noise but is thwarted by Dan banging around his room doing god-knows what for the entire recording.

Play