In which our heroes look back on the year that was and make bold predictions about the year that will be. Can you believe we’ve been doing this nonsense for 3.5 years? The internet has a lot to answer for. See you all in 2018!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:13 — 54.4MB)
In which our heroes continue their annual tradition of drinking too much and talking for too long. They discuss a woman biting off a man’s bollock, try and get onto the dark web and conduct Dan’s sexual harassment tribunal. Then Chris & Graham record a sort of Hollyoaks Later extension in which a huge amount of ethnic slurs are used.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 2:50:28 — 124.5MB)
In which both Adam and Graham are away so Daniel is trusted with the buttons, Chris tries yet again to seduce him and they tackle the big issues like how to enjoy chocolate and which limb to amputate.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 56:11 — 37.0MB)
In which our heroes get into a bar fight. Dan does some tedious admin, Chris tries again to shit himself and Gemma & Graham drink way too much gin and don’t remember the latter half of the recording.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:33:23 — 68.8MB)
In which our heroes contend with yet more IT problems. Graham detects South Africans from afar, Chris tries to get Graham to open up about a [REDACTED] experience with a [REDACTED] and Dan has horrendous actions from his past unearthed.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:42 — 30.1MB)
In Which Graham and Gemma share a microphone, Gemma has a sex dream, Daniel leaves our heroes to escape from prison and Christopher plays a secret game for the amusement of Christian from Scotland.  Christopher then kills a guard in a very troubling way and then they all go to the pub.
Bard music is by Jack Wright, https://youtu.be/h-RIsgsmN1M
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:36:42 — 68.8MB)
In which our heroes do a lot of admin and get the episode finished quickly to play DUNGEONS AND DICKHEADS, NEW FROM @TWOSTARPODCAST!!!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:51 — 25.0MB)
In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:54 — 55.6MB)
In which Adam abandons his duties as responsible adult and as a result the children suffer severe technical difficulties. Â They get their revenge by choosing a title that will annoy him and then stalk their newest superfan (JAMES FROM CRAWLEY) for about an hour.
To be honest, this is probably more of interest to the police as evidence than as an entertainment.
For those of you asking (no-one has asked), Graham’s silly parkour video is here:
Christopher’s (second and far superior) spoof survival video is here:
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:08:43 — 47.2MB)
In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:01 — 46.4MB)
Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.
Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.
We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.
Peace out,
G, A, D & C
In which our heroes plan a bespoke live episode for Dave from Birmingham, Chris seeks poo advice and remembers that he is friends with a pervert (not Graham!), Graham confesses to voyeurism and plagiarism and Daniel is a DIRTY, DIRTY BOY.
Edit – He played Gethin.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:03:37 — 49.1MB)
In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:57 — 56.0MB)
In which Graham diagnoses what will kill Christopher to death, Adam tries to convince his animated corpse to go to a music festival and yet again they completely fail to record anything even remotely resembling a podcast. Â THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO WORMS IN CHRISTOPHER’S POO!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:17 — 46.6MB)
In which some things happen that no-one can remember because it was so long ago. Â Maybe our heroes went on dates with old men. Â Probably there was the Rock. Â There was some horror with a dildo.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:19:55 — 59.4MB)
In which our heroes gorge themselves on cheese, survive food poisoning and Graham looks forward to his inevitable decline into dementia; all topped off with a return visit to the first dates restaurant!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:12 — 50.0MB)
In which our heroes go trainspotting. Graham suffers performance issues, Chris starts his own detective agency, Adam handles dead animals and Dan is on a train.
I apologise for the (even by our standards) poor quality audio of this week’s episode but it was stitched together from 18 separate source recordings and Dan lives in a trainyard.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:32 — 24.8MB)
In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.
Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:01 — 54.2MB)
In which our heroes attempt to be TOTAL LADS and MEGA TOP BLOKES for a whole episode by doing BANTZ and thinking about TITS and BEER.  We plan a new career for Ken Livingstone, offer PR advice to Pepsi, Adam does another car crash which is obviously his fault, Daniel reveals how John Major seduced him and Chris plans a brilliant prank on Graham.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 52:34 — 37.8MB)
In which our heroes fantasise about a sweaty Daniel in tiny shorts, stalk a listener, create a classic comic character and enjoy a plethora of listener feedback.
Mostly this:Â http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/image/157657804219
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:09:39 — 54.4MB)
In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:53 — 64.8MB)
In which our heroes recall the past, attempt to predict the future, develop a relationship on ratemydick.net, identify a bellend of the week, fight off the norovirus, discuss flying whorehouses and did a fun quiz!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:21:20 — 78.2MB)
