All posts by graham

Podcast Episodes

Episode 198 – Artisinal Dictators

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In which our heroes are joined by guest Alice Vaughn (@RationalBlonde) from Two Girls One Mic (@TGOMPodcast).

Graham hosts another poorly thought-out quiz, Chris teaches us about his favourite dictator Enver Hoxha, Adam unbuttons his shirt and Dan is told to give up.

Alice’s dictator colouring (coloring) books, crayons and facemasks are available for purchase at offensivecrayons.com

Thank you for downloading our podcast, we appreciate the listens, fap away forever

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:11:15 — 53.8MB)

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Episode 197 – Non-penis Stuff

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In which our heroes are pissed on by various divine entities. Dan is quizzed again on his naughty liaison, Adam laments employment and Graham gets freaked out by pictures of angels.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:05:13 — 49.7MB)

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Episode 192 – Quantum Human Centipede

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In which our heroes do a quiz. Adam skateboards, Graham alienates his neighbours and Chris & Daniel have their guts entangled.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:20:49 — 60.7MB)

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Episode 1 – Rebirth

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In which our heroes reboot the podcast continuity. Chris eats a crumble, Dan laments his forbidden love and Graham draws triangles.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:11 — 47.3MB)

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Episode 180 – Get On The Groovy Train

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In which our heroes Queer Eye Daniel. Adam falls through a window, Daniel runs through one, Chris fails Dry January again and Graham shits himself… or does he?!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 59:04 — 45.8MB)

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Episode 175 – Brett Goldstein’s Films To Be Buried With

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In which our heroes talk about films and baths. Other stuff too mebbes, but Graham uploaded it without listening and can’t remember any details.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:55:15 — 83.4MB)

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Episode 174 – The Case of the Keys and the Lifeguard

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In which our heroes investigate the mystery of why Chris woke up face down in the sea with no memory and no keys.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 53:28 — 42.2MB)

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Episode 172 – Sixteen Layers of Big Dicks

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In which our heroes have done actual production. Daniel plays Dutch netball, Adam discovers a mystery cable and Graham blurs the lines between encouraging Dan’s romantic endeavours and sexual harassment.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:07:39 — 54.0MB)

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Episode 170 – [loud breathing noise]

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In which our heroes discuss what makes a pizza. Graham recalls pissing on his cat, Chris tells us about some corpses he saw, Dan types slightly less that usual and Adam is dead.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:21:25 — 61.1MB)

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Episode 167 – Off Menu with Ed Gamble & James Acaster

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In which our heroes have white privilege. Graham rants about razor blades, Adam wanks into a robot, and they rip off the format of an excellent podcast which is available at https://play.acast.com/s/offmenu

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:49 — 60.8MB)

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Episode 164 – BezOS

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In which our heroes get divorced from Jeff Amazon. Graham drinks too much Dragon Soop and damages his heart, Adam has a vomit bath, Chris enjoys retired life and Daniel once again turns up late and drunk.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:01:40 — 49.7MB)

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Episode 160 – Dead, Deader, Deadest

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In which our heroes pilot an exciting new quiz format and harass Dan about his breadbin

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:04:28 — 50.7MB)

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Episode 158 – Christmas Party 2018

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In which our heroes drink a lot and are joined by Alastair from Nottingham

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 2:34:36 — 119.5MB)

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Episode 157 – A Surplus of Danish Semen

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In which our heroes plan their next holiday. Chris has a haircut, Graham is a Victim Of Crime, Adam recounts his time in an escape room and Daniel [inaudible due to train noise]

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 57:42 — 45.2MB)

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Episode 154 – A Hearty Dewbit

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In which our heroes learn about made up meals. Graham chooses bionic enhancements for his penis, Adam slanders a teacher and Chris recalls the time he shit his pants in a shop.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:03:52 — 49.2MB)

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Episode 151 – Molotov Magnum

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In which our heroes are joined by David from Birmingham whom they try to doxx again, as well as discussing problematic neighbours and deciding what kind of post-Brexit dystopia they’d prefer

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:02:21 — 49.0MB)

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Episode 149 – Insanity Apple

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In which our heroes are joined by Brandon who teaches them about the mystical land of America

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:11:58 — 56.7MB)

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Episode 147 – Throwing in the trowel

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In which our heroes insult a listener, abandon a long-term podcast project, go on a speed awareness course and talk about toilets & poo for a very, very long time.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:10:31 — 55.6MB)

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Episode 146 – Gangster’s Wives Special

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In which our heroes buy booze and talk about Gangster’s Wives, the greatest film yet to be made

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 56:47 — 44.8MB)

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Episode 142 – Chris Juice

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In which our heroes drink some mysterious liquid which arrived by post, discuss cannibalism, Japanese trains & the Parisian helicopter prison break, and muse on the fact that IT’S COMING HOME

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:01:38 — 49.0MB)

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Episode 141 – Fake Megabus

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In which our heroes ride the Megabus, dream about Jacob Rees Mogg and frequent glory holes

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:08:05 — 54.6MB)

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Episode 137 – Colostomy, not catheter

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In which our heroes bang on about GDPR and Jumani, have a stress wank, invent a cocktail and find Dan a wife

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 59:41 — 44.8MB)

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Episode 132 – Graham caught IBS and so can you

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In which our heroes discuss bum disease, Graham speaks ill of Stuart Baggs the Dead Brand, Daniel continues to misunderstand veganism and Chris has a dirty weekend away with Michael Portillo

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:43 — 43.4MB)

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Episode 127 – The Mull of Kintyre Test

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In which our heroes suffer from the Mandella effect. Adam laments the lack of televised penises, Dan does some cooking, Chris talks about some of his favourite episodes from Friends and Graham freestyles a diss track about David from Birmingham with surprisingly adequate results.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:03:45 — 58.4MB)

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Episode 124 – Welsh Bull Fighting

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In which our heroes learn about Blockchain. Adam talks about Jeff Bezos, Graham talks about a precocious 11 year old boy, Dan says something about millennials and Chris goes on about San Andreas for ages as if it’s episode 28.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:01:07 — 47.7MB)

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Episode 120 – CHRISTMAS PARTY!

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In which our heroes continue their annual tradition of drinking too much and talking for too long. They discuss a woman biting off a man’s bollock, try and get onto the dark web and conduct Dan’s sexual harassment tribunal. Then Chris & Graham record a sort of Hollyoaks Later extension in which a huge amount of ethnic slurs are used.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 2:50:28 — 124.5MB)

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Episode 119 – Ruddy William Special

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In which our heroes are fucked up on gin. William from Suffolk is the esteemed guest. They try to do some maths and are generally incoherent.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 51:04 — 35.3MB)

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Dungeons & Dickheads

Dungeons & Dickheads Part V

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In which our heroes sneak into a house. Graham & Dan dress up as sexy ladies and seduce a guard, Gemma make some other guards laugh and Chris dies, comes back and sits in jail.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:27:39 — 64.9MB)

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Dungeons & Dickheads

Dungeons & Dickheads Part IV

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In which our heroes get into a bar fight. Dan does some tedious admin, Chris tries again to shit himself and Gemma & Graham drink way too much gin and don’t remember the latter half of the recording.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:33:23 — 68.8MB)

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Episode 116 – Bumifications

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In which our heroes contend with yet more IT problems. Graham detects South Africans from afar, Chris tries to get Graham to open up about a [REDACTED] experience with a [REDACTED] and Dan has horrendous actions from his past unearthed.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:42 — 30.1MB)

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Episode 113 – Mostly admin

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In which our heroes do a lot of admin and get the episode finished quickly to play DUNGEONS AND DICKHEADS, NEW FROM @TWOSTARPODCAST!!!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:51 — 25.0MB)

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Episode 112 – The Air Is Full Of Spices

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In which our heroes once again speak ill of the dead. Graham sabotages Daniel’s next date, Adam plays XCOM, Daniel flings a poo on a roof and Chris is on holiday.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 52:38 — 40.5MB)

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Episode 106 – This Is Dan’s Life

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In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:54 — 55.6MB)

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Episode 104 – Dan Who

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In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:01 — 46.4MB)

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Gubbins

Statement regarding Episode 103

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Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.

Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.

We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.

Peace out,
G, A, D & C

Podcast Episodes

Episode 101 – One-way Wasp Valves

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In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:57 — 56.0MB)

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Episode 100 – Navel Gazing

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In which our heroes disappear up their own bumholes for a bit, declare war on yet another podcast and add something wonderful to the whole Dan-in-a-bin situation

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:11:57 — 54.1MB)

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Episode 97 – Drugs Earl

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In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:06:07 — 50.1MB)

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Episode 93 – Lidl Espresso Martini

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In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.

Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:12:01 — 54.2MB)

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Episode 89 – Rotating Carousel of Prostitutes

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In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:53 — 64.8MB)

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Episode 84 – Bus Wanker

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In which our heroes are down to 2. Chris calls his wife Babes and Graham goes on the bus. Both call out David from Birmingham for being a Bad Friend.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:42 — 56.0MB)

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Episode 80 – Paulie Trunks

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In which our heroes experience technical difficulties, talk about Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Denzel Washington and Halal meat.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:52 — 45.8MB)

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Episode 76 – Twizzles Heskey

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In which our heroes DDOS RateMyDick. Chris eats fancy coleslaw, Graham presents a caravan / robot quiz, Adam crashes his car and Dan tosses off over the Grand Tour.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:08:47 — 52.1MB)

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Episode 75 – Prosthetic Bellend

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In which our heroes rate some more dicks, grow white-man dreads, eat banana & bacon trifle and take a moral stand

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:07:46 — 155.1MB)

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Episode 72 – Up The Poo Alley

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In which our heroes blind Ant McPartlin with paint, unveil the 2016 Two Star Podcast Christmas advert and call Nick Knowles a bellend.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 54:10 — 124.5MB)

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Episode 71 – Something’s Gone Wrong

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In which our heroes rate dicks. Adam presents our US Election Special, Dan strangles a dog, Graham is vulgar and Chris jizzes in his #fartballoon

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:14:29 — 171.0MB)

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Episode 70 – Dick Sneezes

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In which our heroes start a sex rumour about footballers. Dan reports on a gay donkey, Adam nukes Texas and/or France, Chris sneezes and Graham makes plans to attend a sex robot festival.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 58:34 — 47.0MB)

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