In which our heroes get into a bar fight. Dan does some tedious admin, Chris tries again to shit himself and Gemma & Graham drink way too much gin and don’t remember the latter half of the recording.
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In which our heroes contend with yet more IT problems. Graham detects South Africans from afar, Chris tries to get Graham to open up about a [REDACTED] experience with a [REDACTED] and Dan has horrendous actions from his past unearthed.
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In which our heroes spoil the joke. Dan nerds out about spaceships, Adam rants about Twitter, and the long forgotten remnants of Chris echo throughout the podcast.
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In Which Graham and Gemma share a microphone, Gemma has a sex dream, Daniel leaves our heroes to escape from prison and Christopher plays a secret game for the amusement of Christian from Scotland. Christopher then kills a guard in a very troubling way and then they all go to the pub.
Bard music is by Jack Wright, https://youtu.be/h-RIsgsmN1M
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In which our heroes contend with shitty internet, award twinkle points, mock Dan for crap content and dream wondrous dreams
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In which our heroes are given their quest. Graham sweet-talks some guards, Dan begins a life of crime, Gemma swears a lot and Chris fails to shit himself.
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In which our heroes create their characters, which takes quite a long time and is quite boring. But we do some hilarious bants and that, so it’s defo worth listening.
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In which our heroes do a lot of admin and get the episode finished quickly to play DUNGEONS AND DICKHEADS, NEW FROM @TWOSTARPODCAST!!!
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In which our heroes once again speak ill of the dead. Graham sabotages Daniel’s next date, Adam plays XCOM, Daniel flings a poo on a roof and Chris is on holiday.
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In which our heroes plan a funeral. Chris doesn’t pay attention, Adam talks nonsense about elves and Dan demonstrates a complete lack of knowledge about undertakers.
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In which our heroes do boring admin (on a beautiful spreadsheet), struggle at maths, plan Elton John’s Funeral and Disrespect the Wu Tang Clan (and Bruce Forsyth).
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Our heroes reveal the most hot sought after contest of the year and compare neo-Nazis to Cinderella for some daft reason.
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In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.
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In which our heroes make amends and learn all about Neil Morrissey. Chris buys some furniture, Dan begins a career in esports and Adam becomes a disciple of Khorne.
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In which Adam abandons his duties as responsible adult and as a result the children suffer severe technical difficulties. They get their revenge by choosing a title that will annoy him and then stalk their newest superfan (JAMES FROM CRAWLEY) for about an hour.
To be honest, this is probably more of interest to the police as evidence than as an entertainment.
For those of you asking (no-one has asked), Graham’s silly parkour video is here:
Christopher’s (second and far superior) spoof survival video is here:
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In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.
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In which our heroes travel to far-away Nottingham. Adam can’t be bothered to edit out a washing machine, Chris colludes with the Russians and Dan definitely gets put in a bin.
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Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.
Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.
We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.
Peace out,
G, A, D & C
In which our heroes plan a bespoke live episode for Dave from Birmingham, Chris seeks poo advice and remembers that he is friends with a pervert (not Graham!), Graham confesses to voyeurism and plagiarism and Daniel is a DIRTY, DIRTY BOY.
Edit – He played Gethin.
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In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.
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In which our heroes disappear up their own bumholes for a bit, declare war on yet another podcast and add something wonderful to the whole Dan-in-a-bin situation
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In which Graham diagnoses what will kill Christopher to death, Adam tries to convince his animated corpse to go to a music festival and yet again they completely fail to record anything even remotely resembling a podcast. THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO WORMS IN CHRISTOPHER’S POO!
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In which our heroes sing about Roger Moore. Dan invents some awful sex toys, Graham unveils his new business venture, Adam buys some drugs, and Chris starts self-harming.
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In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.
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In which Chris bravely leaks the suppressed audio recordings that Daniel tried to destroy.
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In which our heroes discuss work, nappies and the science of things rotting. Then the dreaded technical difficulties occur.
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In which some things happen that no-one can remember because it was so long ago. Maybe our heroes went on dates with old men. Probably there was the Rock. There was some horror with a dildo.
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In which our heroes gorge themselves on cheese, survive food poisoning and Graham looks forward to his inevitable decline into dementia; all topped off with a return visit to the first dates restaurant!
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In which our heroes go trainspotting. Graham suffers performance issues, Chris starts his own detective agency, Adam handles dead animals and Dan is on a train.
I apologise for the (even by our standards) poor quality audio of this week’s episode but it was stitched together from 18 separate source recordings and Dan lives in a trainyard.
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In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.
Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi
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In which our heroes attempt to be TOTAL LADS and MEGA TOP BLOKES for a whole episode by doing BANTZ and thinking about TITS and BEER. We plan a new career for Ken Livingstone, offer PR advice to Pepsi, Adam does another car crash which is obviously his fault, Daniel reveals how John Major seduced him and Chris plans a brilliant prank on Graham.
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In which our heroes delve into console classism. Graham goes into space, Chris makes a racist friend, Adam has twins and Dan bakes an actual cake.
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In which our heroes fantasise about a sweaty Daniel in tiny shorts, stalk a listener, create a classic comic character and enjoy a plethora of listener feedback.
Mostly this: http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/image/157657804219
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In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.
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In which Dan attends an orgy, Chris fails to void himself in his new toilet and we play silly thought games.
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In which our heroes play Dungeons and Dragons, Chris is replaced by a robot at several points, Graham recovers from his crippling bum disease and Adam starts a petition to ban the podcast.
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In which our heroes are down to 2. Chris calls his wife Babes and Graham goes on the bus. Both call out David from Birmingham for being a Bad Friend.
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In which our heroes solve racism, sign up to enter the crystal maze, do goat yoga and generally reminisce about the 1980s, Daniel constructs a woman trap and Graham goes beyond creepy.
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In which our heroes take legal advice, discuss the impending orange apocalypse and review bank account cancellation details.
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In which Adam tries really fucking hard to edit out all the background noise but is thwarted by Dan banging around his room doing god-knows what for the entire recording.
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In which our heroes experience technical difficulties, talk about Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Denzel Washington and Halal meat.
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In which our heroes recall the past, attempt to predict the future, develop a relationship on ratemydick.net, identify a bellend of the week, fight off the norovirus, discuss flying whorehouses and did a fun quiz!
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In which we meet our diversity quota, force Stavrina to become the mistress of Jacob Rees Mogg, join extremist vegans in plotting death to the west and enjoy our shared foreskin/medical toy fetish, all whilst Chris refuses to start or end the podcast properly. FIGHT THE POWER!
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In which our heroes are joined by superfan Stavrina who takes them on a racist tram ride. Chris faints, Graham drinks paint thinner, we set up a company to exploit racists, Stavrina learns who Jeremy Beadle is and reveals her bizarre toilet habits, all whilst Adam gets increasingly frustrated with Chris for failing to start the podcast.
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In which our heroes bravely struggle on without Dan. Graham argues with a Terminator, Chris takes some heroin and Adam brings down a major sports brand.
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In which our heroes DDOS RateMyDick. Chris eats fancy coleslaw, Graham presents a caravan / robot quiz, Adam crashes his car and Dan tosses off over the Grand Tour.
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In which our heroes rate some more dicks, grow white-man dreads, eat banana & bacon trifle and take a moral stand
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In which our heroes kind of phone it in because they can’t be expected to nail it every wek.
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In which our heroes brave the Trumpian wasteland to record a podcast. Graham goes poo fishing, Chris comes out as gay, Adam spends $300 on a catalogue and Dan has sex with animals.
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In which our heroes blind Ant McPartlin with paint, unveil the 2016 Two Star Podcast Christmas advert and call Nick Knowles a bellend.
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