All posts by graham

Statement regarding Episode 103

Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.

Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.

We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.

Peace out,
G, A, D & C

Episode 101 – One-way Wasp Valves

In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.

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Episode 97 – Drugs Earl

In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.

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Episode 93 – Lidl Espresso Martini

In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.

Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi

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Episode 89 – Rotating Carousel of Prostitutes

In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.

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Episode 84 – Bus Wanker

In which our heroes are down to 2. Chris calls his wife Babes and Graham goes on the bus. Both call out David from Birmingham for being a Bad Friend.

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Episode 80 – Paulie Trunks

In which our heroes experience technical difficulties, talk about Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Denzel Washington and Halal meat.

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Episode 76 – Twizzles Heskey

In which our heroes DDOS RateMyDick. Chris eats fancy coleslaw, Graham presents a caravan / robot quiz, Adam crashes his car and Dan tosses off over the Grand Tour.

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Episode 75 – Prosthetic Bellend

In which our heroes rate some more dicks, grow white-man dreads, eat banana & bacon trifle and take a moral stand

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Episode 72 – Up The Poo Alley

In which our heroes blind Ant McPartlin with paint, unveil the 2016 Two Star Podcast Christmas advert and call Nick Knowles a bellend.

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Episode 71 – Something’s Gone Wrong

In which our heroes rate dicks. Adam presents our US Election Special, Dan strangles a dog, Graham is vulgar and Chris jizzes in his #fartballoon

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Episode 70 – Dick Sneezes

In which our heroes start a sex rumour about footballers. Dan reports on a gay donkey, Adam nukes Texas and/or France, Chris sneezes and Graham makes plans to attend a sex robot festival.

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Episode 67 – That Shitty Podcast

In which our heroes discuss the Richard Curtis Multiverse, reneg on their hate crime plans, answer a listener’s letter about dirty protests and talk about TV programmes that aired many years before their average listener was born.

Here is the camera dildo:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013JSWZNE?th=1

Here is the video of a man drilling his iTelephone:
https://youtu.be/5tqH-Un9SFU

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Episode 65 – Fluttering Kite

 

In which our heroes mourn the deaths of Adam and the Great British Bake Off, do some cyber bullying and adapt a modern classic

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Episode 63 – Robotic Wanking Claw Part 2

In which our heroes take a lady hostage, exile Donald Trump to Mexico, catch a German swimmer with a fishing hook and discuss poo crumbs & robotic wanking claw robotic_wanking_claws buy cheap robotic wanking claws sex porn.

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Episode 62 – The Horrific Dick Incident

In which our heroes go ‘meh’ at Great British Bake Off, discuss poo crumbs and Dan & Graham get diverted by Viennetta.

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Episode 61 – Christopher from Dorset shot Harambe

In which our heroes plot a terror attack, build a robot octopus and interview Christopher from Dorset for a grown-up job.

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Episode 57 – Wasted Potential

In which our heroes abolish all anti-drug laws in sport, read out some incredible Robot Wars fan fiction, moan about millennials and extend an olive branch to David from Birmingham.

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Episode 56 – Evil Japanese AI Beer

In which our heroes brew beer by algorithm, Adam wants to be more evil, Christopher from Dorset review Absolutely Fabulous and Craig David’s beard, and Graham goes off on one about Japanese pop-culture.

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Episode 54 – Hipstr

In which our heroes pick through the remains of the UK political system to see what can be salvaged, review Craig David’s new song and ripped bod and Christopher from Dorset tells us about his holiday.

Here are the Craig David pictures we toss off to:

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/06/13/article-2341240-1A4E7EE0000005DC-872_634x624.jpg
http://www.dnamagazine.com.au/media/0/49723/2/maycraigdavid1.jpg
http://www.averagejanes.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/training-craig-david.jpg
https://thirtyfiveandfit.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/jodie-marsh-body-builder.jpg

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Episode 51 – Half Podcast Half Biscuit

In which our heroes uncover the truth about Noel Edmonds’ magic box, sell water to hipsters and spend hours tediously trying to think up bird / curry puns.

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Episode 50 – The Legend of J D Wetherspoon

In which our heroes are joined by Christopher from Dorset and David from @geeknewsradio. They talk about wrestling, hipsters & shitting, and delve into the lore and legend of J D Wetherspoon.

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Episode 48 – The Naked Episode

In which our heroes discuss Eurovision, make plans to sink RRS David Attenborough and read listeners’ letters

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Episode 45 – Sexy Robocop


In which our heroes accidentally show Skynet what they look like. Adam gives us some nutrition tips, Dan has a go on a Japanese sex robot and Graham points out that All Saints are definitely not a manifestation of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which is obvious. Of course they’re not. It’s not even worth discussing, forget we mentioned it.

Here are the links to the virtual sex suit:

http://www.refinery29.uk/2016/04/107922/virtual-reality-sex-suit

http://ir.net/news/vr-games-apps/124084/illusion-vr-sex-suit/

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Episode 44 – Panamanian Cheese Apocalypse

In which our heroes start to plan their apocalypse survival strategy. Adam dicks about in the virtual realm, Dan moves funds off-shore and Graham continues his adventures as an American truck driver

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Episode 43 – Steam Port

In which our heroes mourn another victim of Bruce Forsyth, reveal that Barry Chuckle probably isn’t actually a racist and read Thomas the Tank Engine erotic fanfiction. YES, REALLY.

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Episode 42 – Poddy McPodface

In which our heroes blaspheme. Graham reports on Barry Chuckle’s racist views, Adam is OUTRAGED that Easter has been BANNED and Dan names a ship.

The audio quality in this episode is frankly a disgrace so, like, sorry for that and shit.

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Episode 41 – Rise of The J-Turn Sex Ninjas

In which our heroes grapple with technology. Graham desecrates monuments with wicked car stunts, Adam dresses as a ninja and wanks off outside someone’s front door and Dan gets his dick torn off playing rugby.

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Episode 38 – A Soggy Croissant

In which our heroes are a bit poorly and talk about the boring EU referendum, Deadpool and a wanking dolphin.

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Episode 37 – Technical Difficulties

In which our heroes go to the pub. The podcast fractures into two timelines like from Sliding Doors, Dan reports on a Spaniard who didn’t go to work for 6 years and Christopher from Dorset starts a listeners’ union.

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Episode 36 – Lesbian Step-Mum MILF

In which our heroes discuss how to end Bruce Forsyth’s killing spree, count down the UK’s official porn charts and end abruptly.

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Episode 35 – Channing Potatum

In which our heroes try to stop Bruce Forsyth from killing again, attempt to understand the US presidential elections and discuss XCOM 2 what is coming out on the computer soon.

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Episode 33 – Two Sets of Knockers

In which our heroes listen to ukulele rap music, decide the Oscar winners and hack into submarines.

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Episode 32 – Naughty Santa’s Helper

In which our heroes learn about testicular valves, analyse Christmas porn stats and Dan sends some dick pics (from a submarine judging by his audio fidelity)

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Episode 31 – Jumping on the Parsnip Train

In which our heroes train Dan to be a terrible human being (Pick Up Artist), Adam reports live from CES 2016 and Graham hates children.

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Episode 30 – 2016 Predictions

In which our heroes discuss which celebrity will die first in 2016, review the ongoing war effort and give Dan dating tips.

Here is a link to the quiz what we done: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-30500372

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Episode 29 – 2015 Review

In which our heroes say what was the best stuff of 2015, declare war on another podcast and listen to the drunken ramblings of a pair of morons.

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Episode 28 – Circumcision Ambulance

In which our heroes discuss the colours of supermarkets, Graham drones on about San Andreas for ages, Adam gets radicalised and Dan learns about opposites.

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Episode 27 – Pyjamify This Top

In which our heroes launch the 2015 Two Star Podcast Christmas Advert, Dan wanks off dolphins with an eel, Graham transplants monkey testicles onto humans and Adam thinks about midgets.

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Episode 26 – A Totally Offensive Individual

In which our heroes endanger their lives with meat. Graham interacts with bigots, Adam moans about Windows 10 and Dan thinks about Muppet sex.

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Episode 25 – Outraging Public Decency

In which our heroes have a 40 minute gak-wank in a pub, Adam moans about Youtubers, Dan finds a wonderful R Kelly cover and Graham alienates Belgium.

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