All posts by graham

Episode 154 – A Hearty Dewbit

In which our heroes learn about made up meals. Graham chooses bionic enhancements for his penis, Adam slanders a teacher and Chris recalls the time he shit his pants in a shop.

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Episode 151 – Molotov Magnum

In which our heroes are joined by David from Birmingham whom they try to doxx again, as well as discussing problematic neighbours and deciding what kind of post-Brexit dystopia they’d prefer

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Episode 149 – Insanity Apple

In which our heroes are joined by Brandon who teaches them about the mystical land of America

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Episode 147 – Throwing in the trowel

In which our heroes insult a listener, abandon a long-term podcast project, go on a speed awareness course and talk about toilets & poo for a very, very long time.

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Episode 142 – Chris Juice

In which our heroes drink some mysterious liquid which arrived by post, discuss cannibalism, Japanese trains & the Parisian helicopter prison break, and muse on the fact that IT’S COMING HOME

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Episode 132 – Graham caught IBS and so can you

In which our heroes discuss bum disease, Graham speaks ill of Stuart Baggs the Dead Brand, Daniel continues to misunderstand veganism and Chris has a dirty weekend away with Michael Portillo

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Episode 127 – The Mull of Kintyre Test

In which our heroes suffer from the Mandella effect. Adam laments the lack of televised penises, Dan does some cooking, Chris talks about some of his favourite episodes from Friends and Graham freestyles a diss track about David from Birmingham with surprisingly adequate results.

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Episode 124 – Welsh Bull Fighting

In which our heroes learn about Blockchain. Adam talks about Jeff Bezos, Graham talks about a precocious 11 year old boy, Dan says something about millennials and Chris goes on about San Andreas for ages as if it’s episode 28.

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Episode 120 – CHRISTMAS PARTY!

In which our heroes continue their annual tradition of drinking too much and talking for too long. They discuss a woman biting off a man’s bollock, try and get onto the dark web and conduct Dan’s sexual harassment tribunal. Then Chris & Graham record a sort of Hollyoaks Later extension in which a huge amount of ethnic slurs are used.

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Episode 119 – Ruddy William Special

In which our heroes are fucked up on gin. William from Suffolk is the esteemed guest. They try to do some maths and are generally incoherent.

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Episode 116 – Bumifications

In which our heroes contend with yet more IT problems. Graham detects South Africans from afar, Chris tries to get Graham to open up about a [REDACTED] experience with a [REDACTED] and Dan has horrendous actions from his past unearthed.

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Episode 112 – The Air Is Full Of Spices

In which our heroes once again speak ill of the dead. Graham sabotages Daniel’s next date, Adam plays XCOM, Daniel flings a poo on a roof and Chris is on holiday.

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Episode 106 – This Is Dan’s Life

In which our heroes finally talk about cake. Adam talks about the Ready Player One trailer, Chris makes guinea pigs swim, Graham places everyone under citizen’s arrest and Dan prepares for fingering.

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Episode 104 – Dan Who

In which our heroes learn about opposites. Graham is befuddled by a Northern child, Chris bemoans the lack of West Country representation on TV and Adam is a racist. Dan is absent because he was fingerbanging a girl on a nightbus.

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Statement regarding Episode 103

Episode 103 was recorded on the 4th of July but it was really, really awful, even by our exceptionally low standards. As such, it will not be released.

Two Star Podcast Completists (TSPCs) who want to hear the recording may do so by pointing their internet at https://we.tl/Gu7awmCZMP, however Two Star Podcast management cannot accept responsibility for any boredom.

We’ll be back next week with Episode 104 which will be recorded in front of a live audience this weekend in Nottingham.

Peace out,
G, A, D & C

Episode 101 – One-way Wasp Valves

In which our heroes communicate with the dead and an actual, real-life AMERICAN. Also: Adam spends his life savings on Lego, Graham gets bummed by a ghost, Dan remains blissfully unaware of his forthcoming joyride and Chris ventures onto a roundabout.

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Episode 97 – Drugs Earl

In which our heroes discuss Dan’s travel plans, lookup rude place names, launch burning foxes into food banks, entrap badgers and bully Adam into doing an accent.

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Episode 93 – Lidl Espresso Martini

In which our heroes have a Little Mix / Election special. Adam has technical difficulties, Graham makes yet another human centipede, Chris attempts damage limitation with regards to his professional reputation and Dan drinks too much cider.

Here is the Belgian music by Nino Debois to which we refer, it is lovely:
https://open.spotify.com/track/05iwD9UjRVOh2hYFNFIvPi

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Episode 89 – Rotating Carousel of Prostitutes

In which our heroes are stood up by Adam. Chris does some DIY, Graham demands to know what ratio of goodie to baddie Martin McGuinness was and Dan laments never having fucked anything historic.

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Episode 84 – Bus Wanker

In which our heroes are down to 2. Chris calls his wife Babes and Graham goes on the bus. Both call out David from Birmingham for being a Bad Friend.

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Episode 80 – Paulie Trunks

In which our heroes experience technical difficulties, talk about Ru Paul’s Drag Race, Denzel Washington and Halal meat.

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Episode 76 – Twizzles Heskey

In which our heroes DDOS RateMyDick. Chris eats fancy coleslaw, Graham presents a caravan / robot quiz, Adam crashes his car and Dan tosses off over the Grand Tour.

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Episode 75 – Prosthetic Bellend

In which our heroes rate some more dicks, grow white-man dreads, eat banana & bacon trifle and take a moral stand

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Episode 72 – Up The Poo Alley

In which our heroes blind Ant McPartlin with paint, unveil the 2016 Two Star Podcast Christmas advert and call Nick Knowles a bellend.

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Episode 71 – Something’s Gone Wrong

In which our heroes rate dicks. Adam presents our US Election Special, Dan strangles a dog, Graham is vulgar and Chris jizzes in his #fartballoon

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Episode 70 – Dick Sneezes

In which our heroes start a sex rumour about footballers. Dan reports on a gay donkey, Adam nukes Texas and/or France, Chris sneezes and Graham makes plans to attend a sex robot festival.

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Episode 68 – Big Swearing

In which our heroes talk paedo pop, RADAR, foreign doctors and exorcism

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Episode 67 – That Shitty Podcast

In which our heroes discuss the Richard Curtis Multiverse, reneg on their hate crime plans, answer a listener’s letter about dirty protests and talk about TV programmes that aired many years before their average listener was born.

Here is the camera dildo:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013JSWZNE?th=1

Here is the video of a man drilling his iTelephone:
https://youtu.be/5tqH-Un9SFU

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Episode 65 – Fluttering Kite

 

In which our heroes mourn the deaths of Adam and the Great British Bake Off, do some cyber bullying and adapt a modern classic

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Episode 64 – Pride & Robotic Wanking Claws

In which our heroes open their post, ridicule Jeremy Corbyn for liking UB40 and read from Jane Austen.

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Episode 63 – Robotic Wanking Claw Part 2

In which our heroes take a lady hostage, exile Donald Trump to Mexico, catch a German swimmer with a fishing hook and discuss poo crumbs & robotic wanking claw robotic_wanking_claws buy cheap robotic wanking claws sex porn.

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Episode 62 – The Horrific Dick Incident

In which our heroes go ‘meh’ at Great British Bake Off, discuss poo crumbs and Dan & Graham get diverted by Viennetta.

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Episode 61 – Christopher from Dorset shot Harambe

In which our heroes plot a terror attack, build a robot octopus and interview Christopher from Dorset for a grown-up job.

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Episode 57 – Wasted Potential

In which our heroes abolish all anti-drug laws in sport, read out some incredible Robot Wars fan fiction, moan about millennials and extend an olive branch to David from Birmingham.

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Episode 56 – Evil Japanese AI Beer

In which our heroes brew beer by algorithm, Adam wants to be more evil, Christopher from Dorset review Absolutely Fabulous and Craig David’s beard, and Graham goes off on one about Japanese pop-culture.

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Episode 54 – Hipstr

In which our heroes pick through the remains of the UK political system to see what can be salvaged, review Craig David’s new song and ripped bod and Christopher from Dorset tells us about his holiday.

Here are the Craig David pictures we toss off to:

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/06/13/article-2341240-1A4E7EE0000005DC-872_634x624.jpg
http://www.dnamagazine.com.au/media/0/49723/2/maycraigdavid1.jpg
http://www.averagejanes.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/training-craig-david.jpg
https://thirtyfiveandfit.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/jodie-marsh-body-builder.jpg

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Episode 51 – Half Podcast Half Biscuit

In which our heroes uncover the truth about Noel Edmonds’ magic box, sell water to hipsters and spend hours tediously trying to think up bird / curry puns.

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Episode 50 – The Legend of J D Wetherspoon

In which our heroes are joined by Christopher from Dorset and David from @geeknewsradio. They talk about wrestling, hipsters & shitting, and delve into the lore and legend of J D Wetherspoon.

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Episode 48 – The Naked Episode

In which our heroes discuss Eurovision, make plans to sink RRS David Attenborough and read listeners’ letters

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Episode 46 – Bathtub Prosecco

In which our heroes sleep on a WiFi mattress, guess who Jo Johnson is and start bootlegging prosecco.

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