All posts by graham

Episode 283 – Piss Chat

In which our heroes discuss who are tea nations. Graham heats up his knives, Chris suffers two distressing incidents in toilets and Adam has a piss colour chart.

Episode 281 – Gonad The Barbarian

In which our heroes rank supermarkets. Adam disposes of a mouse’s corpse, Chris sets fire to an old man in the gym, Graham pisses everywhere and Daniel isn’t really listening.

Episode 280 – David Cameron: The Whole Hog

In which our heroes talk about political podcasts. Chris eats plain yoghurt, Graham plans how to sacrifice himself in the event of a zombie apocalypse, Daniel double fists food from the canapé table into his face and Adam believes he knows how to build an escalator.

Episode 279 – No Wanking And You Die In Your 30s

In which our heroes frame Graham for murder. Daniel makes some banana bread like it’s 2020, Graham remembers an obscure 80s film and Chris has all food ruined for him by some nerds.

This one also just cuts off at the end, still don’t know why.

Episode 278 – Free Vapes & a Bumbag

In which our heroes celebrate Friendship Month. Adam has become marriaged, Daniel has bankrupted Birmingham council and Graham considers getting an indentured servant.

For some reason it just ends abruptly, no idea why.

Episode 277 – Project SpadStag

In which our heroes talk about Adam’s stag do. Graham makes an amazing spreadsheet, Chris buys a new car and Daniel becomes a Boomer.

If you would like to view the spreadsheet with all the scores from the actual Stag in it, it’s here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/11-YFweSPBb1NG9JX06M6A_g6kNBK8rxbYSTbbsaGciM/edit?usp=sharing

The points allocations per event are different because I applied different weighting after this was recorded, so shut up.

Episode 276 – Bibby Stockholm Syndrome

In which our heroes talk about loads of stuff. Adam has invasive bum surgery, Chris has a horrible new job, Graham has been speeding again and Daniel receives some disturbing mail.

Episode 274 – Light Bum Duties

In which our heroes talk about their physical health. Adam has an MOT, Chris buys some Marmite, Daniel has a Sliding Doors moment and Graham uncovers a huge conspiracy around Ploughman’s lunches in Stratford-upon-Avon.

Episode 273 – Jodcast Jepisode

In which our heroes discuss wearing all-denim to a wedding. Adam rules out having an all-denim theme at his wedding, Graham plays Zelda and Dan laughs at Nadine Dorries.

Episode 272 – Unwise But Not Illegal

In which our heroes welcome back their disgraced colleague. Graham prepares to go on a stag do, Chris makes up a story about Richard Burton, Adam hosts a Branston pickle quiz and Dan remains delightfully bewildered by everything.

Episode 271 – The Curse Of Sooty

In which our heroes talk about children’s television presenters & puppets. Dan kills a listener with his sword, Adam attempts to doxx Dan and Graham libels Philip Schofield again.

(Note: this was recorded before Schofield confessed to everything, so actually it’s not libel, it’s all provably true.)

Episode 270 – Aged 60 Days

In which our heroes libel Philip Schofield. Graham starts a new job, Adam becomes a soft porn model and Dan makes an exciting, late, drunk cameo.

Episode 269 – LL Cool D

In which our heroes review the Coronation & the Miami GP opening ceremony and discuss God’s management style. Graham starts a new job, Adam has a made up game and Dan is a great guy who everyone loves.

Episode 268 – A Massive Whitey

In which our heroes tell a cautionary tale about drugs. Graham leaves his job, Dan trains as a consultant and Adam forgets his

Episode 267 – Decline in Thinking Skills

In which our heroes consider the merits of a London Monopoly pub crawl. Graham reveals a shocking truth about women, Dan posts a fish through his boss’s letterbox and Chris is diagnosed with an accute brain condition.

Episode 266 – Episode 21 Part 2

In which our heroes have been left unattended again. They revisit the conversation topics from the last debacle, Dan stans Bill Cosby & R Kelly and Graham simps for Taylor Swift & Hanson.

Episode 265 – Bum Health Special

In which our heroes look bumward. Adam has a colonoscopy, Dan says colonoscopies are cool, Graham reads up on polyps and Chris visits a psych ward.

Episode 264 – Mans Got Bare Skills

In which our heroes update their wills. Chris and Dan eat 20 plants (each), Graham quits his job and Adam starts a new one.

 

Episode 263 – Francis Bacon’s Ghost Chicken

In which our heroes talk about ghosts. Graham says Joris Bohnson smells like ham, Chris goes to the cinema and Adam dampens beds in hotels.

Episode 262 – Dorse Gods

In which our heroes confess to crimes. Graham has job interviews, Adam solves crimes in a retro-futuristic city, Dan joins a school choir and Chris sends Valentines cards to little boys

Episode 260 – A Fllb Of Water

In which our heroes just chat absolute nonsense for ages. Chris sells his bath water, Dan isn’t a real person, Graham gives some solid legal advice and Adam re-mortgages his house.

Episode 259 – Tokyo Drift In The World Of Audio Entertainment

In which our heroes explore the wonderful possibilities of AI and learn about cathing. Graham doxxes a listener’s bum, Dan is an idiot and he’s a genius, Chris shoplifts bananas and Adam is host number 1.

Episode 258 – The Murdering Olympics

In which our heroes break yet more ground in terms of what is possible in the medium of podcast. Graham drives a lorry through Europe, Chris has his testicles fondled by many people, Dan becomes a serial killer and Adam has an MRI scan several years ago. Ali from Nottingham makes a cameo.

Episode 257 – 2023 Predictions

In which our heroes review their 2022 predictions and make some for 2023. Dan looks like a wally in front of a real man, Graham fights everyone, Chris counts his wine and Adam is just an all round great guy who we all appreciate and love (I forgot what he contributed to this episode).

And holyfuckingshit, this episode was actually release in the same month it was recorded. It just goes to show, there is hope, the malaise doesn’t necessarily have to consume you entirely.

Lol jk the malaise has me for sure, editing this was just a temporary distraction, everything’s still decaying and futile, and oblivion is inevitable.

Episode 254 – Greek Roulette

In which our heroes liquidate their assets and bet on black. Chris loses the ability to tie his shoes, Graham hires people who fall asleep on the job, Dan logs a support ticket for his microphone and Adam suffers a traumatic wrist injury which is not related to wanking.

Episode 252 – Sk8r Boi The Musical

In which our heroes debrief on the visit to Milton Keynes. Graham makes a fortune in musical theatre, Adam causes the UK government to collapse and Dan pegs an heir to the throne.

Episode 250 – The Bad Boy Ballet

In which our heroes celebrate a significant milestone. Graham has a billion pound business proposition, Adam moves out of Cyber and Dan tells us about Pablo Escobar’s hippos.

(We said we would release this in Q3, but not which year, so it could be argued that this is early ACTUALLY)

Episode 255 – Mastodon Special

In which our heroes beome the official #podcast of Mastodon. Dan ruins Lashmas, Graham Googles train departures, Chris watches a sexy Turkish barber and Adam leaves a huge announcement to the very last minute.

Episode 249 – Platty Jubes Special

In which our heroes are surrounded by bunting and monarchists. Graham refuses to find out some basic knowledge, Dan launders some Dutch money and Adam goes on a train.

This episode is from the Olden Days when we had a living Queen.

Episode 253 – Queen Is Dead, Long Live King

In which London Bridge has Fallen. Our heroes talk about the Royal Death, Korfball refereeing and ratify a backlog of Eggs.

Episode 247 – Homeless Energy

In which our heroes talk about kicking sick kids while they’re down. Graham recaptures then laments his lost youth and is judged by a tramp, Adam gets new wardrobes and Dan is replaced with a Romanian.

Episode 246 – Pyramids, Stonehenge, Milton Keynes

In which our heroes talk about the upcoming Live Listener Extravaganza in Milton Keynes, play a made up game then resolve, or possibly inflame, all geopolitical conflict by reorganising all of the countries.

Episode 245 – FINE.

In which our heroes are FINE. Graham reports back from the Americas, Adam goes to Lego Bimringham, Chris develops a foot fetish and Dan airs his dirty laundry.

Episode 243 – Suspicious and horny

In which our heroes pull the topics microwaves & lists from the Bean Machine

Episode 240 – 2022 Predictions Review

In which our heroes put Chris on trial for his drinking and talk about films, somehow spinning it out to nearly an hour

Episode 239.5 – Prime Minister Special (Remastered)

In which our heroes pay tribute to the office of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (but not the men and women who have actually filled it)

This is the second attempt at uploading after summat gone mashup

Episode 234 – An Entirely Fungible Life

In which our heroes listen as Graham declares his last will and testament, Graham talks about toxic masculinity, Graham talks about people call Graham, Graham starts following chess and Graham unveils the podcast Christmas advert

Episode 233 – Letras de CanciĂłns en Estranxeiro

In which our heroes remember Adam who is dead then play a game which draws on their knowledge of the foreign language and, as such, doesn’t work very well.

Episode 232 – The Lionel Blair Tribute Episode

In which our heroes discuss entertainers and play a game that doesn’t work.

Episode 230 – That’s What Jesus Said

In which our heroes carry out the rebranding of Dan (reDanding). Graham takes to a life of piracy, Chris loses someone’s kneecap, Dan sings songs about fanny and Adam enables all of this.

Episode 228 – No More Two Star Podcast Listeners

In which our heroes, in lieu of any #content or original ideas, play No More Jockeys again.

Some technical difficulties have resulted in some sounds appearing in the recording which, to the untrained ear, may sound like disgusting burps but are actually very technical glitches that you wouldn’t understand. We apologise.

Episode 225 – The Moon Under Water with John Robbins

In which our heroes ape the fantastic @moonunderpod created by @nomadicrevery and @robinallender. They each describe their perfect pub and specify two draught drinks, two bottles & a wildcard, ban something and choose an album for the jukebox.

Episode 223 – Famous for 15 Quid

In which our heroes play an excellent Cameo-based guessing game, shamelessly lifted from the vastly superior @15_quid

Episode 218 – The Ruttles Wrote OK Computer

In which our heroes are joined by LeAnn and LuEllen from The One With Friends Podcast (@theonewithPOD). The main subject is the best & worst cameos & supporting roles on Friends, but given that the episode is nearly 2 hours long, you can probably guess that we go off on some tangents and ramble incoherently for a while.

Give it a listen, even if you’re an idiot like Dan and hate Friends, you’ll still enjoy it.

Episode 212 – Piss Slits

In which our heroes solve America’s problems then play slang term bingo. Graham seems to be in a cupboard.

Episode 205 – The One With The One With Friends Podcast

In which our heroes join LeAnn and Luellen from The One With Friends Podcast (@theonewithPOD) to discuss S2 E6 – The One With The Baby On The Bus. They stay largely off-topic and give the girls a heck of a time trying to edit it down to a tight 40-50 minutes. Here’s the director’s cut with nothing omitted, regardless of how uninteresting it is.

Note: Graham was gravely ill with a mild cold when we recorded this which is why he sounds all bunged up.

Here is the monkey trying to steal the child:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6xGcUxuC4c

Episode 202 – Ploppy Pants Special

In which our heroes do an Ali (by which I mean shit themselves). Daniel shits his pants, Chris shits his pants, Adam shits his pants and Graham shits his pants.

Episode 198 – Artisinal Dictators

In which our heroes are joined by guest Alice Vaughn (@RationalBlonde) from Two Girls One Mic (@TGOMPodcast).

Graham hosts another poorly thought-out quiz, Chris teaches us about his favourite dictator Enver Hoxha, Adam unbuttons his shirt and Dan is told to give up.

Alice’s dictator colouring (coloring) books, crayons and facemasks are available for purchase at offensivecrayons.com

Thank you for downloading our podcast, we appreciate the listens, fap away forever

Episode 197 – Non-penis Stuff

In which our heroes are pissed on by various divine entities. Dan is quizzed again on his naughty liaison, Adam laments employment and Graham gets freaked out by pictures of angels.