Episode 67 – That Shitty Podcast

In which our heroes discuss the Richard Curtis Multiverse, reneg on their hate crime plans, answer a listener’s letter about dirty protests and talk about TV programmes that aired many years before their average listener was born.

Here is the camera dildo:

Here is the video of a man drilling his iTelephone:


Episode 66 – Three Days Late

In which our heroes celebrate their Paralympic success and forget to edit the podcast, which is why it’s only just been published.


Episode 65 – Fluttering Kite


In which our heroes mourn the deaths of Adam and the Great British Bake Off, do some cyber bullying and adapt a modern classic


Episode 63 – Robotic Wanking Claw Part 2

In which our heroes take a lady hostage, exile Donald Trump to Mexico, catch a German swimmer with a fishing hook and discuss poo crumbs & robotic wanking claw robotic_wanking_claws buy cheap robotic wanking claws sex porn.


Episode 62 – The Horrific Dick Incident

In which our heroes go ‘meh’ at Great British Bake Off, discuss poo crumbs and Dan & Graham get diverted by Viennetta.


Episode 61 – Christopher from Dorset shot Harambe

In which our heroes plot a terror attack, build a robot octopus and interview Christopher from Dorset for a grown-up job.


Episode 60 – Dickhead of The Week

In which our heroes fire Orlando Bloom, Graham watches a man breaking his leg, Adam watches computer games and Dan reads the privacy policy for his vibrator.

Chuck Tingle’s masterwork can be found here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pokebutt-Go-Pounded-Em-All-ebook/dp/B01IAGH4VI


Episode 59 – Sun’s Out, Plums Out

In which our heroes get  a coffee and a blowjob, shoot buzzards and review Robot Wars.


Episode 58 – Not Safe For Work

In which our heroes discuss filth, porn, sexy times, Chessington Bubble Works, grot, jazz mags and 300 dicks.


Episode 57 – Wasted Potential

In which our heroes abolish all anti-drug laws in sport, read out some incredible Robot Wars fan fiction, moan about millennials and extend an olive branch to David from Birmingham.


Episode 56 – Evil Japanese AI Beer

In which our heroes brew beer by algorithm, Adam wants to be more evil, Christopher from Dorset review Absolutely Fabulous and Craig David’s beard, and Graham goes off on one about Japanese pop-culture.


Episode 55 – Robotic Wanking Claw

In which our heroes elect a new Prime Minister, form a new political party, plot the recolonisation of America and have a go on a sex robot.

That “Hardcore Henry” music video: Bad Motherfucker by Biting Elbows.


Episode 54 – Hipstr

In which our heroes pick through the remains of the UK political system to see what can be salvaged, review Craig David’s new song and ripped bod and Christopher from Dorset tells us about his holiday.

Here are the Craig David pictures we toss off to:



Episode 53 – Brexit Meltdown

In which Dan is late due to a case of the shits and our heroes discuss the EU Referendum a lot, declare Brucie not responsible for a murder and eat some Avocados in the channel tunnel.


Episode 51 – Half Podcast Half Biscuit

In which our heroes uncover the truth about Noel Edmonds’ magic box, sell water to hipsters and spend hours tediously trying to think up bird / curry puns.


Episode 50 – The Legend of J D Wetherspoon

In which our heroes are joined by Christopher from Dorset and David from @geeknewsradio. They talk about wrestling, hipsters & shitting, and delve into the lore and legend of J D Wetherspoon.


Episode 48 – The Naked Episode

In which our heroes discuss Eurovision, make plans to sink RRS David Attenborough and read listeners’ letters


Episode 47 – Fuck Bees

In which our heroes mourn the passing of Prince, plan for Skynet’s inevitable rise to power, visit a hipster restaurant and get very angry about bees.


Episode 45 – Sexy Robocop

In which our heroes accidentally show Skynet what they look like. Adam gives us some nutrition tips, Dan has a go on a Japanese sex robot and Graham points out that All Saints are definitely not a manifestation of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which is obvious. Of course they’re not. It’s not even worth discussing, forget we mentioned it.

Here are the links to the virtual sex suit:




Episode 44 – Panamanian Cheese Apocalypse

In which our heroes start to plan their apocalypse survival strategy. Adam dicks about in the virtual realm, Dan moves funds off-shore and Graham continues his adventures as an American truck driver


Episode 43 – Steam Port

In which our heroes mourn another victim of Bruce Forsyth, reveal that Barry Chuckle probably isn’t actually a racist and read Thomas the Tank Engine erotic fanfiction. YES, REALLY.


Episode 42 – Poddy McPodface

In which our heroes blaspheme. Graham reports on Barry Chuckle’s racist views, Adam is OUTRAGED that Easter has been BANNED and Dan names a ship.

The audio quality in this episode is frankly a disgrace so, like, sorry for that and shit.


Episode 41 – Rise of The J-Turn Sex Ninjas

In which our heroes grapple with technology. Graham desecrates monuments with wicked car stunts, Adam dresses as a ninja and wanks off outside someone’s front door and Dan gets his dick torn off playing rugby.


Episode 38 – A Soggy Croissant

In which our heroes are a bit poorly and talk about the boring EU referendum, Deadpool and a wanking dolphin.


Episode 37 – Technical Difficulties

In which our heroes go to the pub. The podcast fractures into two timelines like from Sliding Doors, Dan reports on a Spaniard who didn’t go to work for 6 years and Christopher from Dorset starts a listeners’ union.


Episode 36 – Lesbian Step-Mum MILF

In which our heroes discuss how to end Bruce Forsyth’s killing spree, count down the UK’s official porn charts and end abruptly.


Episode 35 – Channing Potatum

In which our heroes try to stop Bruce Forsyth from killing again, attempt to understand the US presidential elections and discuss XCOM 2 what is coming out on the computer soon.


Episode 33 – Two Sets of Knockers

In which our heroes listen to ukulele rap music, decide the Oscar winners and hack into submarines.


Episode 32 – Naughty Santa’s Helper

In which our heroes learn about testicular valves, analyse Christmas porn stats and Dan sends some dick pics (from a submarine judging by his audio fidelity)


Episode 31 – Jumping on the Parsnip Train

In which our heroes train Dan to be a terrible human being (Pick Up Artist), Adam reports live from CES 2016 and Graham hates children.


Episode 30 – 2016 Predictions

In which our heroes discuss which celebrity will die first in 2016, review the ongoing war effort and give Dan dating tips.

Here is a link to the quiz what we done: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-30500372


Episode 29 – 2015 Review

In which our heroes say what was the best stuff of 2015, declare war on another podcast and listen to the drunken ramblings of a pair of morons.


Episode 28 – Circumcision Ambulance

In which our heroes discuss the colours of supermarkets, Graham drones on about San Andreas for ages, Adam gets radicalised and Dan learns about opposites.


Episode 27 – Pyjamify This Top

In which our heroes launch the 2015 Two Star Podcast Christmas Advert, Dan wanks off dolphins with an eel, Graham transplants monkey testicles onto humans and Adam thinks about midgets.


Episode 26 – A Totally Offensive Individual

In which our heroes endanger their lives with meat. Graham interacts with bigots, Adam moans about Windows 10 and Dan thinks about Muppet sex.


Episode 25 – Outraging Public Decency

In which our heroes have a 40 minute gak-wank in a pub, Adam moans about Youtubers, Dan finds a wonderful R Kelly cover and Graham alienates Belgium.


Episode 23 – Rapid Response Priest Team

In which our heroes bootleg Ribena, Graham has a genuinely good idea for a film, Adam finds love at Ashley Madison and Dan is infested by lizards.


Oh, I forgot. Here’s the link to the zombie tin can video life hack thing in case you care:


Episode 22 – Shisgust

In which our heroes pilot an exciting new quiz show format, Adam becomes an illegal migrant, Dan is kidnapped and made to go fishing, and Graham eats crisps.


Episode 20 – A Journey of Terror

In which our heroes are bored by a computer game trailer, Adam teaches us about the world of My Little Pony fandom, Graham plays the worst song ever recorded and Dan makes cake in a mug.

If there’s something wrong with you and you want to see the links referenced in this episode then fill your boots:

Concentration Camp Ponies:

Pony Lube:


Horrific Filth (DO NOT CLICK ON THIS):




Episode 19 – Eating Beef Bacon

In which our heroes finally cook and eat beef bacon and the world’s most Yorkshire man turns up for no reason that’s any of your business, if I invite strangers into my house while I record a podcast then that’s up to me. Get off my case. My daughter talks on it too because I couldn’t be arsed to edit it. Just be glad we’ve even bothered to do this episode you bunch of bloody ingrates.